Tuesday, September 30, 2008
I wish I can give happiness and comfort to you girls now..I am trying my very best to be optimistic. I hope you all will too. Sammie, I really try to always cope up with whatever is in your almighty mind, even though sometimes I just get all frustrated with it, but I told myself that, I'm not loving a perfect friend but loving a friend perfectly. Remember? I know you really cared about your dogs, they're your loyal companion when I'm not with you, and I accept the fact that you love your dogs more than us. YOu're sucha dork, but I love you.. okay, my dear, don't ever let ur lips curve down...I want you to always always always be happy..promise me that, and keep that promise..Vonnie, you'd think I will leave you lying there, and rot? You're absolutely absurd, cheeky little fella. I regretted not dragging you into the car, at home, I thought you would faint again and those stupid dumb guys wouldnt know what to do. Can you and Sam stop making me worry again??? Can you all just take care of yourself properly...as in like, your health!! I don't worry about any other things of yours, you girls are smart and capable, but sometimes so dumb and reckless. I will get insane seriously, please always protect yourself from any harm and danger, you all being safe and happy is my greatest hope. I do not hope for more.
I'd imagine that we all grow old and celebrate our birthdays together when we're 90 years old. That's a little bit greedy right? I think 80 years old will do. XD but we'll still be pretty at that age..hopefully..XDD What am I talking about? I always get carried away, because you both influence me with your silliness and randomness, or is it the other way? =D
Sammie, you're the most secretive one, whether you're really that simple minded and happy-go-lucky or you're a troubled child, I don't know. I blurt things out without them going through my brain, I didn't know you were worst actually. I thought you were wise old sam. I thought. Yes, that's an insult. Okay, small joke in here. I'm actually impressed with your ignorant expression I can say, seriously, no one would ever know what you're actually thinking with you putting on that pokerface all the time. You're sucha strong person, physically and mentally. Physically qualified to be vonne's bf, and mentally strong to just ignore human nature.
Whereas I'm not, too. Yvonne's not, three. We're all so different. That makes us so unbreakable, the bond between us, we fit into each other nicely, our weakness and our good sides, Yeap, we'll grow old together. No doubt. I'm still living with you all. Tomorrow will be, tomorrow tomorrow will be, always be.
-standingbyyou-
Posted by dark-wings at 9/30/2008 02:24:00 PM
Monday, September 29, 2008
at last i am connected...
dear donuts,
at last i am connected... my house is out of connection after the renovations.. so i have to wait till i am able to reach you guys...
talking about 26 of September was really an unbelievable experiences..
stomach was feeling absolutely awful before i begin my journey to Ms Lee's tuition... the chemicals are mixing and there is just an acidic feeling till it make me want to puke... Jega and chin hold me tight brought me to the primary school toilet.. when we are own our way, my mind when black out just like that as i have no energy to hold on to them anymore..*puff* i collapsed... *so embarrassing* luckily chin was there... she was screaming "VONNNE arrrrrr........ wake up!!!!!" me being so blur *like sam..haha* opening my eyes slowly but couldn't see coloured images.. all i could see is white white and red light just like a negative picture.. as i was resting... Jega ran from north to south to get me warm hot water *he is sweeet*... chin was always there all along beside me holding my hands... as for my another donut, she left home earlier... don't blame her..she wanted to send me home at first before my stomach got upside down.. my bad.. rejected her ride...
after tuition, went back home... have to start shifting things from my aunt's house back to my house.. as i just collapsed.. : ( everyone was busy so i never get to see a doctor.. till now... i am still questioning why i collapsed on tha very day... *poor me...sob sob* i reallly wish you were here with me now.. *putting my two hands together-wishing*
i love you guys a lot... thanks for helping me through... although is really an embarrassing moment, it will always be apart of my memories..
confused vonne...
Posted by dark-wings at 9/29/2008 10:45:00 AM
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Random Crap :)
SAM:I have heard many... Snide remarks, sarcastic comments, blunt responses, you name it. But.. most of the time, they do not do it for the sole reason of hurting that person. It's tough but I guess it's just human nature. Sometimes, people just don't mean what they say. This-is-life.
Yesterday, smelly fainted. My goodness... it worried us doughnuts so. She fainted without my knowledge as I wasn't present at that time. POor smelly.. I wish I can give her a bear hug now. :) Smelly, you better get a good rest and eat more. Chin-chan and I will fatten you up. Yeap yeap. *nods head knowingly, eyes shining with an evil glint*
I just came back from Ms Lee's tuition, and my two potato sisters are still asleep. I'd have to go wu shu later, and after that, finish Ms Lee's accounts homework and Pn Haris's BM work as I have to go over to smelly's house tomorrow. -__-
My parents are planning to go penang during the holidays.. but I don't think I'd even be able to go. Keh.. I have too many commitments to even think of leaving home. :( How dissatifying. *Growls*
I just love my dogs and cats. They're a bundle of joy. ;)
However,
Maxi's current state isn't that good now.. Her breathiing is rather ragged, her bone structure is out of place, and her ear is somehow inflammed. I wish I can help her in some other way besides just taking care of her.. It's painful seeing her like that. What am I to do? (Stop snickering, Chin-chan and Smelly -___-)
Tsk.. This world is so superficial. Our human species isn't something we should be proud of. Most of the time, humans do things solely for themselves. Monopolising the earth and destroying nature, just for their own comfort... Tsk. How saddening.
Listen out there, people.. one day, Chickens will rule the earth!! (pun intended) :P But I meant what I said. We should appreciate life more and stop trying to change it. Maybe then, can the animals and humans live in harmony.
Posted by dark-wings at 9/27/2008 11:26:00 AM
Friday, September 26, 2008
i see a glowing hope in you, slowly glittering into a bright light . . it comes from you. .
all are so human minded. . conquered by great desire,selfishness and blinded by impermanent desire. . i may sound pessimistic and crazy if i say i don't want to be a human. . i wanna be a . . i don't know, i wanna be everything . . that can make people realise that there are so many other things in the world for them to be concerned about, about those who needs them . . people who do not have love will have, people who have love will share them with the others . . flowers will bloom, the sky a wide blue, with few clouds, grass evergreen, we will all reunite . . never be separated. . ahhhhh~~~~~~~~~In Buddhism, it is said that we should not have any attachment . . only oneself can end their own sufferings, karma is too strong . . everyone must be responsible and take the effect of their actions, but, if there's anyone who needs me, i'm right there to pull them up, i'll standby them . . leave them,i'll never . . then, all of us will hold the others up . .
You are glowing, shining through the black . What is your color? you say it .
-standingbyyou-
It's slowly fading,the nightmares that haunts,
our nights,
they are gone,forever . .
destroyed in the name of Love
Posted by dark-wings at 9/26/2008 11:31:00 PM
A million seconds. . . .ticked off. . i remember. .
Today is already the last day of school and the beginning of holiday. . going to school is always a new fresh thing that i'm looking forward to everyday-though i always mumble to myself that school is torturing. . it isn't. . . . my friends. . teachers. .the school field, tangga7,blokcT3. . all my memories are there. . and it will continue to grow. .My dearie vonnie was so sick today. . and eventually, she knocked out, i thought my heart was going to pop out when she was unconscious. . man, i definitely is fainthearted. . or should i say, i'm friggin worried of her? cheh! I'm not. . . *stubborn* oh my goodness,
VONNIE!! U'D BETTER EAT EAT AND EAT!!!! and SLEEP SLEEP AND SLEEEEEEPP!!!!
this would be the last time that i see you sick. . coming up, i'll be your health advisor, i dont want to see you suffering pain, both inside and out. .
In school, my ah bong cried. . at first, she told me and amanda that her retina was swollen. . I was like. . retina???? swollen???? then, she looked all sniffy,sitting beside me. . after that, vonnie told me that she was crying. . she was hugging her knees to her ribs by the marble table. . it hurt me so much to see her like this, i kept wiping her tears and they keep flowing. . and i realise that i'm sucha stupid friend. . i've never been able to tell them how much i really do care about them infront of them. . i can never speak out what's inside my heart. . instead, i will be scolding them all the time, nagging and lecturing them. . and when they cry, like today, i wrapped my arms around her,moving her to and fro like i'm singing a nursery song to a kid, humming a slow song. . or perhaps i understand her too well. . i just want her to cry and let everything out before she say anything. . it hurts to see her taking everything back to herself. . i know she's feeling so sad. .
I remembered at first, when I see michelle, i was frigging shy to go talk to her, i can't seem to communicate well and make new friends, that's the weakness in me. . but she definitely was in my list of friends, everyone is. . however, i only dare to speak to her a few weeks before, and when i'm more familiar with her, she is going back to her school, i know this sounds stupid, but i felt so bad. . i don't know when i'm going to see her anymore. . see, human are always so pathetic. . infront of you, you dont appreciate, go already, then u sulk. .
However, I will meet her soon, I'm sure. . ^^
Today, I can conclude my blog as, our FAMILY and FRIENDS is our reason we live, they are in us, they're always with us. . they are our reason that we keep going. . they are the ones who really loves us. . we believe in each other. . we're always together. . i will take it to myself, all the pain,frustration, sufferings they are facing and only give them smiles and laughters. .
My dears, your own destiny is youself, without you, what's your destiny? whether you will want to have a tomorrow, it's up to you. . I will be standing by you and hold you up. .There's no fate, only faith. .
--->Who does not hope to love and for their love to be everlasting forever. . the miraculous connection between both person but common in the eye of others. . people today feel that their love must be acknowledge by other people than the person they love itself. . to me, when two loves one another, only they will understand one another, other people sees them as a normal couple and there will be NO CONTROVERSIAL or GOSSIPS or anything that tries to separate them, if there is, if people criticise them, they are there for one another. . because they truly believe each other. .
Love comes in all sorts of way.
I'm growing older and older, each second, i kept faith in only one thing is keeps me strong all the time, i have all of you in my life, my heart, my mind, my soul. . i'm never lonely. . i want to grow old with all of you. . this is my only wish. .
::miduhyo::
-standingbyyou-
Posted by dark-wings at 9/26/2008 09:52:00 PM
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Another relieved night, cause Thursday is about to be gone. THat means, no more Miss Lee's tuition in a week's time. Ahhhh..say, I have a better control of myself today from throwing my hardcovered books at her face, biased sucker. . . . Somehow, I have this stupid feeling in me of a bad omen. What'll happen tomorrow, life is so uncertain, I just wanna grab hold of my puffy pillow and scream into it. Pretty insane, what to do. . that's my only way to wash off the horrible feeling that suffocates me in life. . I sound pathetic. . kyehkyeh. . I ate 3 times noodles today, maggi for brunch,panmee for lunch after tuition and maggi for dinner. My stomach now looked like I was 3 months pregnant. . .oh. . at least, it will make me calm down that all these will give me energy to know what's really going on tomorrow. . what is wrong with my brain? i'm just babbling over here. . perhaps I'm just feeling lonely. . or maybe. . I really am. .I got slightly distracted about prefect stuff today but I felt that it didn't worth my attention at all. . OKAY, for the past few days, I made some really lovely strawberries and eggies breakfast for my donuttoes but I felt so sorry that it tasted like vomit at the first bite. . my lovely strawberry crepe turned into fried egg and strawberries salad with thousand island sauce. . then, I made steamed eggs, which I added sugar and condensed milk in it to make it milky and sweet, then, added some strawberries at it's bottom and steamed it in a nice bowl. . I just somehow like, sprinkle some water into it, after that, I was in sucha rush that I just poured it onto a plate 5 minutes later when nothing seemed to be cooked. . but once I poured it, I realised that the water I added in the egg was too little!! the left over that sticked to the bowl was totally half-boiled egg instead of nice, soft white colored steamed egg. . I convinced myself not to panicked, despite the first bitter experience I had before. . however. . a minute before I dashed out of the house, I nicely packed it into a tupperware and took two spoons, hoping that it would taste nice, though it smells sour. . and when i brought it to school. . nobody seemed to like it, it all went down my esophagus to my stomach. . it was nice !!
Ah!! I didn't mention my first experience?? my family went to Cameron Highlands and got loads of stawberries and then, my brother went again and got another lot. So, the first lot goes to the strawberry crepe and the second, to the steamed egg. . I added loads of sugar into the egg mixture and stir it and dabbed my finger into it and to my tongue. . I remembered once that, my mom was sleeping, so I did a steamed meat and pickles, I did not know how much salt and sugar to put , ended up tasting the egg-meat-pickles concentrated smelly mixture at the tip of my tongue. . thinking that it was perfectly normal until I confronted my mom.. I said,"MOM!! You did that all the time, didnt you?" "You're such a stupid girl, since when did I do that gross thing?" and she nagged at me for not learning how to cook properly. . I had a dilemma then, BUT HEY, I DID WASH OFF THAT THING OFF MY TONGUE, I MERELY TASTED IT. . okay, then, come back to the story, I rinsed my mouth and then, poured the mixture into the wok, in hope that it would turn out to be a nice, thin piece of crepe. . it didn't. . bad, it burnt badly even though I was totally aware of it, the top of the egg was still wriggling, so I thought, just give it a little more time before I turn it over, worst, I didn't add the strawberries which was a abandoned at the corner. . and then, after the my second experience, I realised, luckily I didnt put it in, or it will smell like, burnt-strawberry-juice. . in the end, I stirred the egg around, throwing away the burnt bits and then, chopped it into small pieces and then, put them on a plate, mix it with all the strawberries and thousand island sauce. . it WAS A PERFECT EGG-STRAWBERRY SALAD!! I named it *natural blusher* some ppl tasted it not my donuttoes. .
Sam said that I made too weird dishes. . I don't think so actually, just because it's new to them, I JUST HAVENT GOT THE STEPS right yet, I will, soon..and they'll be coming after me for another helping. . but too bad, I'll be working at a 7 diamond hotel as the lead chef. . *begans to dream*
I'll make for all of you one day, and you'll all love it!!
-standingbyyou-
Posted by dark-wings at 9/25/2008 08:40:00 PM
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
My name is Ah Shuen-kun, you've gotta prob with that?
Okay..okay..*snorts* I shall emphasize that THIS IS NOT WRITTEN BY SHUENYeap..that will do.
It was insane today. I was EXTREMELY EXCITED eversince the day TVXQ! announced their album release date.. And today, news came up and it was DELAYED
*crash* Yeah, chinnie broke her skull due to a major hit on the keyboard. She ended up bandaging her head like a mummy and grinned like a maniac. What on earth.
At last I can rap for Mirotic.. but I'm just so so so disspointed that their album wasn't released today. Aissshh. . . I wonder what happened. . I'll investigate it. . *smiles crookedly*
You're the color of my song
I run my fingers,
on the last untouched piece,
dust stained my palm,
as I reveal the secret beneath it.
You were once,
just like it,
you let them suffocate you,
you never fight back.
And I wonder why,
you let it go so easily,
just one blow,
you will see your way.
You were once,
telling me,
blue was your color,
Do you remember?
You never believed me,
when I shut my eyes tight,
giggling faintly,
telling you how much I hated blue,
because it was hurting me,
to see you hurt,
in every single way,
the blind world has done to you.
You claimed that,
blue was the perfect color for you.
and you didn't realise that,
I want to bleach that color,
and wake you up,
from your nightmare,
and let you know that..
you are the color of my song,
it will never change.
I tell you,
the color that I am smudging madly,
proudly,
comes from you,
The real color of my life,
is you.
-standingbyyou-
Posted by dark-wings at 9/24/2008 11:06:00 PM
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
attention my cutest chin...
chin arr,how could you be so crazy of them : )
your post arr remember to put your name there arr i don't want people to think i am so crazy of them...haha love you so much.. you are my cutest marshmallow... remember arr i want to see you so happy... every single day...
love,
yvonne
Posted by dark-wings at 9/23/2008 08:37:00 PM
listening to Mirotic-getting herotic under my skinWoot!! Tomorrow is the day!! When you see all fans celebrating the great day!! Dongbang's fourth album is officially on sale tomorrow!!!! I will be one of them, grabbing as many as I could, though my purse is screaming for mercy. . . what's different in me is that.. lol..let's keep it as a secret..XD ahhh..I'm so so so so so anticipating for it!!!!! ^^ Mirotic mv is.. is.. FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!! I thought I was going to die on the keys.. I got mirotic-ied at the first beat. . . Thank you dongbang, you killed me with your major hotness. . .
Okay..short, brief comment about the mv.
JaeJoong improved so much in his dance, he's suave and comfortable now..one word, I mean, two.. HOTNESS ERUPTS his yeah~yeah~ got me just like that. . *grins and dies* that endless charisma and spirit, pricks my skin, makes me go ALL MAD!!!!!!!!! *squeezes Jae and grabs into room*
YunHo and his bad boy style, his charismatic style when he dance, AND I TELL YOU, his singing will bring you to heaven without you realising it cause you will be melting and then, die because of his manly and yet, smooth singing. *grabs YunHo into room*
JunSu's hair was getting more like Bosco Wong. Plus Bosco has his jaw-alike. . OMG..okay, let's not talk about this. JunSu's dance got me into a girlfriend moment already. . not fangirllie dehh..he's mah boy!!! love the way he sways around, i died in happiness. *grabs Su into room*
ChangMin, the tallest is always keeping his talents in dancing back because of his height. But, LOOK AT HIM NOW!! The stage is his!!! Now, who's the man!! ChoiKang ChangMiN! Who's the man, say again! ChoiKang,Choikang Changmin! WWWHOOO??? CHOIKANG~~~ CHANGMIN!!!!!!!!! and vocal wise, one word, awesome! great improvement for our magnae..love him to bits. *kicks Emi and grabs Min to room*
YOOCHUN!! OMG, he's so so so HOT! This rapper has improved so much in his vocals and dance!! YooChun de SIzzLing Hot Babehhh!! XDD I laughed when I think back That YUnHo used to say that Jae and CHun is so so so stiff when they first dance, LOOK AT THEM NOW!!!!!! YEEEEE HAHHHH~~~~ Get it going babess!!
One prob.
Hair styles.
Blame it.
On the stylists.
That bald guy.
With bad taste, and a sinister laugh.
Knows nothing about fashion.
Horny and pokerfaced.
Oh well.
Mah boys are just too handsome.
Even if they're bald,
A glimpse of them,
makes you melt,
begging for mercy.
HOTNESS OVERLOADS
-standingbyyou-
Posted by dark-wings at 9/23/2008 02:52:00 PM
Monday, September 22, 2008
MUOLLAH MUOLLAHH!!!!!!!!
Today was so much fun, I know this sounds stupid, but yinming and vivien were so funny that things were much nicer then, today, i didn't peek at him. Seeing him will only make things worst, I need to wake up!! Okay..let's not talk about him again. OHH YAHHH!! VONNIE AND SAMMIE made me so so so so so so so so embarassed today!!!!!! *stares at yvonne* You wanna say you didnt do anything right?? Okay, sure, what's with the "CHin wants to talk to you, she wanna tell you something.." WHEREAS I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY AT ALL??!!! ISNT IT OBVIOUS???!!! I pei lei dei wan sei already lahhh!! *hides in closet* I'm not inside!!White T is such a sweet guy, yeah..he felt like an older brother instead cause I'm even more childish than him..however.. JaeJoong lookalike seemed sad today.... I don't know why, but I think exams are strangling him..no worries,WH, you can do it!! YOu will excel!! Cause I know you can!
Even myself is confused of what I'm talking, first is white T, then WH, lol..look how tvxq influence me..XDD
.................................... I feel so bad now..........I did look at him.......... YunHo and JAEJOONG GOT ME INTO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will be so so so so so so so so so so DEAD if there's another Junsu alike or YooChun alike OR CHANGMIN ALIKE!!!!!!!!! Last year, there was!! CHANGMIN ALIKE!! DAMMITTTT!! He's gone!!
Why do I sound like those bitches?? DARN
Okay, I'm suchan IDIOT
-standingbyyou-
Posted by dark-wings at 9/22/2008 01:08:00 PM
Sunday, September 21, 2008
It was a frigging long day.. I'm sitting here, squeezing my huge plushie dog because it smells good..or because it's the only thing for me to talk to.. Papa and Kohkoh left us for UAE and I did my best not to cry there..Papa came to hug me and I gave him a big squeeze before shoo-ing him away or else I'm going to burst into tears.. at last, I broke down in the car, Mama is in her room, shedding her tears and tearing my hearts to bits.. I could just wipe her tears but the pain remains in her heart.. This is Life, isn't it? Human strive to survive in the world, there are bitter and sweet.. I will wish that I don't belong to this world.. where tears are our companion when we are lonely.. laughters are so impermanent.. The only times that we are happy is when our loved ones are with us.. Smiling together is the true meaning of reuniting.. And I love all of them..with that, I will learn, I will adapt to all this realistic truth but I will make their lives better..I will bring smiles to them, I'll make them proud, I'll make them keep faith that tomorrow will be better, I'll love them always always and forever..I remembered how my Papa always tell me that, The Power of Now.. is what I should learn from.. he told me to tolerate, and learn about every single thing in the world, to be humble to every single person, to treat everyone sincerely, to not tell lies, to always be spiritually strong, and..to love my family and friends.. I remembered, Papa, I do remember them.. though I'm still far from your expectations, your daughter me, is proud to have you in her life. I love you, Papa.. I will take care of Mama.. don't you worry, I will protect her and love her like I've always do, forever..
When I stepped into the airport, I felt a gust of wind that chilled me down my spine.
I felt that he was there.
-standingbyyou-
Posted by dark-wings at 9/21/2008 09:37:00 PM
Friday, September 19, 2008
If people say loving someone is to let them go to find for their happiness or never let them go and hold them tightly. I will choose to never love at all.-standingbyyou-
Posted by dark-wings at 9/19/2008 11:16:00 PM
millions hurtful reasons...
you said you want to explain.. you said it wasn't something bad.. you made my hopes went high.. you crushes it all by saying millions hurtful reasons to cover the mistakes that you have made.. every reason you let it out was full of anger... i said nothing when you were explaining.. why? why would the hot tempered me just kept quiet when you shoot me with millions reasons that every single one of them has the intention to stab into my heart ?i never met someone that are like you before.. you are really very different.. you can't be sure of what are you doing.. when the moment you said... *i have got over her* i couldn't believe you anymore.. the trust..the respect from me to you just vanished like that *snap*.... let things flow the way there are suppose to.. it might take a long time for me to forget you but i rather too then waiting for you to mend back the heart that you have stab with millions hurtful reasons...
-yvonne-
Posted by dark-wings at 9/19/2008 06:59:00 PM
Hey! Don't bring me down!
Did not go to school today, regretted it so much..the reason? I missed my donuts so much! Grrr!! I woke up at 7 today and heard my mom waking me up, i was like, mumbling I don't want to go sheepishly..and she was nagging at me when my sis said, "Aiyo, nevermind la, let her sleep.." and just like that, my mom close the door. I felt myself smiling and stared at my sis with my eyes half closed and then, dozed off again. XDD Yesterday, we all went for ShoGun, then I remembered that vonnie said she's eating steamboat also.. LOL..I was walking like a DUCKK!!! XDD after all the practices and runs, my joints were so sore!! XDDD Can't help laughing at myself all the time while walking. It was so funny!!Tomorrow, I'm going to get my jab, maybe this time I will be brave, or I will knock out, everytime I stare at that needle, so many things come to my mind, as if I'm GOING TO DIE!! XDDDD but it wasn't that painful afterall, compared to all the pain and sufferings and tears of people who are less fortunate, they have to get so many jabs everyday, go through operations, but mostly, feeling lonely and scared.. I really want to go to each and everyone of them, hold their hands tightly and hug them tightly.. let them know, I will never give up on them forever..
Vonnie, I didn't want to go China cause..I know I will miss all of you so much..one week is like so so so so long..I will cry like shit if I were to leave.. don't say anything, that's me..
Going to China will give me a nice feeling that I'm nearer to them, him..but, the nearer I am to them, I want to be right beside them, forever. But, I need to wake up, it will never come true.
I told Sam that I never believe in fate. I told Sam, that as long as we keep faith, as long as we keep moving forward, dreams will come true. I want her to hold onto this. Even though..I'm shaking with great fear, because of this word, "we are meant to be" if I cling on to that, I'm letting fate to play with our relationships, we'll always fear for what's gonna happen tomorrow.
If I were to wait, I will wait forever. I fear no death, because I have you.
-standingbyyou-
Posted by dark-wings at 9/19/2008 02:38:00 PM
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Today, as I walked away, I couldn't help but turn back to look at you once.
Or I was just looking look at everyone in one shot and turn away.
What a Liar.
Yesterday, our eyes met thrice. Or should I say, my eyes met your eyes, cause I was staring at your every action yesterday. I couldn't even smile and just continued ransacking the student's bag. Just like that, we didn't look anymore.
I wonder hows dongbang doing, their album's coming out on the 24th , it must be a busy moment for them.. Days are getting harder, that's what comes out from people's mouth everytime when they face challenges.. I kept denying it, cause I know, I have to get going for those people who I love..
Love,
I still remember the day when I love you, it was unforgettable.
My first love, My only love, My Forever Love.
Have many sweets days my dears..I pray that God will bless you all..keep a strong faith because we have one another.. be well, I Love You.
-standingbyyou-
Posted by dark-wings at 9/18/2008 03:23:00 PM
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Zzzz
Hahaaha. I shall grace everyone with my presence. :) School today was fun. It was funny, hanging out with smelly and stinky. They're a bunch of jokers. :P
Ehehee.. Chin.. Ehehhee...
Gah! >< style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Beaturisu is coming down to Malaysia on the 7th of December, if I'm not mistaken. Yatta nya!! *Jumps around and start singing random patriotic songs.. don't ask me why* This time, we have to entertain her and hang out with her. Yeshu yeshu! YOSH!
*Yawn.. Oyasumi. :)
Posted by dark-wings at 9/17/2008 11:09:00 PM
Turn back once and look at me
My hands trembled,
scrambling blindly,
My eyes blurred,
hot tears flowed freely,
I wiped them off,
but others followed,
I paused,
and shut my eyes,
listening,
I could only hear myself,
crying my heart out,
so immatured, if that's what you call it,
People say,
Things like Love is normal,
It is everywhere,
Songs, poems, everything..
But they do not know,
What's supporting it,
Is actually the strong faith
kept deep inside my heart,
She was an Angel, a perfect ChunSa,
She was right there with you,
Eversince the first page you written about how
special she was..
I didn't want to be a sweet heart like her,
I didn't want to be a generous lover,
seeing you, protecting her in every single way,
Can't show,
Can't tell,
Can't let you know,
That, eversince you came to my life,
You are my heart mind and soul.
Don't tell me to give up, or forget,
Cause you knew that,
I have only loved you, Once and for all..
So, just shut up,
I don't hope for more,
I want to watch over you,
protecting you in every single way,
that's my happiness.
-standingbyyou-
Posted by dark-wings at 9/17/2008 08:54:00 PM
Ahhh~~ sufuuuu~~
Was having a bad tummyache this morning, but when I see my donuttoes, I was alright again..We walked under the burning sun home, I thought I was going to die of dehydration and then, SAM!! the car was coming and I was like, SAM! Then, guess what?? SHE SNEEZED!!XXXXDDDDDDDDD SHE'S ALWAYS DOING THINGS AT THE WRONG TIME!!!!!!!!
PWAAAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously, she needs a boyfriend who can take good care of her..she's sucha silly donut..^^
Vonnie was so fierce in the restaurant but I find it so funny to see her so furious at the workers..XDDD The people really freaked out whey..I felt bad but of course, vonne has her point there too...*looks around* ffuuh..she's not here..*wipes sweat*
Vonne told me about his eng name..LOL..my white T XP I felt like dying of laughters when I heard his eng name, it was so...ENGLISH!! LOL!! but..when slowly, okay okay..very fast, I find it so CUTEEE!!!! XDDDD I'm gonna kena strangle by yvonne already..
Today during sportcheck, IT'S like he's doing all the job..the others talking only, I can see those people, watch out shishitoes!!!! hmph!! I know he really wanted to let seniors know that he's doing his very best, I wonder why didn't he volunteer to work for Suren..I mean like, some would want to work and show it..but..I think, he wants to do his best for now..and not be involved in those first..oh well, AT LEAST I think so..heeeeyyyy!! What are you laughing at, SAM!!!!!
My dear white T, though there are something that I still can't get right, whether I'm still living in my fantasy, or I'm seeing the reflection of him in you..but ..you're never him..you'll never going to be him..she said I was just rejecting the truth and wrapping up my feelings, I don't know how to explain it..but no one would believe me that, whether things are real or not.. I love him..
-standingbyyou-
Posted by dark-wings at 9/17/2008 02:24:00 PM
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
will dream come true?
haizzz.. wish you were there to hold me tight, protect me like how you did in the dream.. i will wait for your explanation but my hopes will never be high... as i cannot afford to let you hurt anymore..
night...
yvonne
Posted by dark-wings at 9/16/2008 11:15:00 PM
Monday, September 15, 2008
At last, I've done my poem for Thursday.. listening to JOO and Taeyeon's song entitled, Because of a Man. After listening to Euwing about TaeYeon crying while singing If..when the black sea swallowed up the pink river, it hurts me a lot.. I can feel TaeYeon's passion and determination to become a singer..and yet, people judge her unfairly.. Why didn't he come up and protect her? Loving someone means to protect someone.. She is taking all the bashings alone!! Stand up for you both, JunSu!!! I hate it everytime I see or hear that you and TaeYeon have been having a nice sweet relationship.. and now, I hate it more when you've done nothing to protect her from all this harassment!! It's in your hands whether you want to make her feel secure and let her know that you're always by her side no matter what happens.. That's the KimJunSu that I know..Seriously, days sucked. I couldn't say more about it. I want to always stay in my childhood, dreaming of where to go the next day and have fun with my family. but I realise, childhood isn't the moments of a person being a child..but, the memories gained as we grow older.. but, can I just have a nice kiddy-moment for a day? I want to spent time with my nieces and nephews at the park and run around till I couldn't anymore and lay on the soft, smooth grass and slowly fall asleep on it. The smooth wind will be my loyal company when I'm sleeping, and shady clouds will be my friends, keeping me comfortable.. Then, I'll get back to What I Used to Be..
Oh GOD! If I'm so pessimistic everyday, very soon I'll turn into a jerk, kicking everyone's asses whenever I walk pass..XDDD oh well, like I don't now, I just hit their asses..XDDD
KIMJUNSU!!!!!! You'd BETTER GET UP AND PROTECT HER!! Or I'LL REDUCE THE CHOCOLATES CHIPS IN YOUR COOKIES!!!!! GRRR!!!!
-standingbyyou-
Posted by dark-wings at 9/15/2008 11:58:00 PM
Urrrgghh..the sivic project is damn sickening..So fed-up of it..and moreover, got so fed-up of Sam just now in tuition..oh well, she's gonna say that I'm too kecil hati, JOKE ONLY WHAT..that's all she will say..WHY CAN'T SHE EVER UNDERSTAND?? AS for me, I don't want to understand her..I don't want to know what's she's thinking..so so so irritating..I almost got to the stage to strangle myself when I have to say, yeah! I'm still going to be a prefect..SAM didn't even come and talk to me about it!!!!!! *cross*
SO, YES..I'M OFFICIALLY HATING SAM!! *lits fire and burns sam's dogs' tails* *evil grin* *roars into thunderous evil laughter*
I feel stupid..
Nowadays, my voice slowly turns into some weird croaking sound when I sing..It freaked me out like hell..I was like, OH SHHHIITTT!!! XDD I'll just keep practicing..just keep singing~ just keep singing~~ just keep singing singing~~ I'm DORY!!
OH SHITT!! THE POEM FOR THURSDAY!!! There goes my sleeping time, I've got to fly over to my uncle's place..*ffffiiiiiiiiiuuuuu*
-standingbyyou-
Posted by dark-wings at 9/15/2008 04:46:00 PM
This morning, I got up, feeling so empty..my stomach..XD I felt so lonely,eating that piece of mooncake and recalling of the past. I remembered how I missed the people I love..how hard I cried, the pain shot my heart like a razor..I hate it when I have to pretend to be so-alright about it.. I hate it when I have to say, not having you with me is TOTALLY FINE, and that, I will watch you from far, praying for you all the time, that's my happiness..I hate it.. but, I want to always see you being yourself, doing what you want to do most, and..love who you love......We are from two different world, so different that everytime I think of it, there's only fear and pain. You're loved by millions of people..while I'm just a normal person..
Till now, I will always want to see you happy..please keep smiling..I will always pray for you..
I love you
-standingbyyou-
Posted by dark-wings at 9/15/2008 06:35:00 AM
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Sam, I'd better if you don't post anything now..plus, I don't want your dog or your cat..or your love..Vonne ah, don't be down, cheer up. I'm sure your grandma is watching you from above, she is one of the million glittering stars, shining the brightest on you..lighting up your heart, chasing off all the loneliness away, giving you endless warmth..she will always be in your heart..she made you realise that you have so many more other people that loves you..
All this while, everytime I see happy children with their grandparents having breakfast in a kopitiam, I will feel especially happy..Love comes in all sorts of way..how I wished to be as lucky as those kids..but I'm very satisfied now that my grandmother is with me now, telling me all types of stories of the past, of how she was forced to marry my grandpa..XD and how grandpa wanted to hold her hand..how wars affect their lives..plus making breakfast for me early in the morning which gave me strength to go for exam..I love her so much..I could do anything to make her happy..I know she will still be by my side when I got married and accompany me when I have to take care of my children..
Vonnie, missing someone is really painful.. I just want to grab hold of the person I miss so much and never let go..and I never believe in such thing as fate, cause I only believe that there's such thing as Love..when you have it, you've got it..you will know what to do..
-standingbyyou-
Posted by dark-wings at 9/14/2008 11:25:00 PM
feeling like an unlighted lantern...
erm.. let put it this way... it has been so long that i never lighted a candle and so is a lantern... as today is the moon cake festival... usually my grandma would be the one who will be there talking to me when i am playing with my colourful candles, dragon/rabbit/fish(cute cute ones) lantern and FIRE... haha...thinking about it, i was so cute.. after the session i will definately have a red red cheek.. but she is no longer here now... : ( very hard for me to find back the feeling again.. i miss her... i miss her terribly...as i was sitting alone in the living room.. i was thinking about him... i am not hiding it... i realy miss him...
feeling like an unlighted lantern,
yvonne....
Posted by dark-wings at 9/14/2008 10:20:00 PM
Hara Hetta :(
Well, it seems like my two besties are facing some troubles and tribulations with their lives. What am I to do for them? I shall declare my undying love to them and shower them with my ever-so-admiringly holy aura. Ahahhaa. I was just kidding. :P I can only do so much... I'd do anything for them to be happy though. So, Vonne and Chin, right now, all I can offer you is my love and my dogs(plus metta, if you've taken a liking towards her). :)
Right now, I am not feeling audacious or courageous enough to post an update about my or our personal lives. I am rather scared of my friends' wrath. :P Maybe some other time? :)
I still have a BM summary to do. Yuckity yuck. ><
P/S: Vonne, you have a better option here. *Points at myself* Ehehe. I'm a better boyfriend. :) Chin, decide what you feel comfortable with. I'll still love you no matter what. :)
I'd like to give you both my trademark bear hug, but seeing my current situation, I can't do that. Maybe I can send them to you via e-mail. :)
With love,
Sammy
Posted by dark-wings at 9/14/2008 09:31:00 PM
Saturday, September 13, 2008
I don't know how to help you, my dear, I can only lend you my shoulder to cry on, and my ear to listen to all your words and my heart to care and love you..just let things be as they are..I will always love my donuts, topped with extra sugar ..
-standingbyyou-
Posted by dark-wings at 9/13/2008 08:47:00 PM
i am a sweet donut...
chinnie... awwww... i know i am sweet *wink* hahaha... sam you better buck up... chinie kun i really want you to be by our side all the time.. without you both of us will fall.. as you promised that you will not let us fall...please chinnie.. stand by us...chinie *show sad face* could i forget him? could you help me? i am so hopeless.... can i separate studies and him.. : ( looking at him, going near her...eye sore.. heartache.. the feeling is really sucks.. hopefully i will be able to survive...
love,
vonnie.....kun...
Posted by dark-wings at 9/13/2008 07:41:00 PM
It's coming nearer..
Fuuhh..after my cheong hei vonnie gave me a long lecture, finally, I got my time out to take a sip of my tasty water..seriously, can she be any sweeter than she is now?? I thought I was going to melt down, didn't know that she was actually so sweet..XDDD jkjk..later I got a big kick on my butt next week..vonnie! I'll listen to you..promise....KYYYAA!! As for Sam, she's so horrible!! I was talking to her over the phone and she gave it to a guy in between our convo!! SAM! I know u got bf lahhh..no need to boast about it!! *crosses arms* you'll see..you'll see..*glares*Just like the song that vonne asked me to sing, I'll never let you fall, I'll stand up for you forever, I'll be there for you through it all, even if saving you sends me to heaven..Yes, they're just words, Yet, so deep, so real that we're going through it..vonne ah, you've once said that you can differentiate between studies and feelings, so, you'll be alright through it all..to you, maybe you really think so, you'll be studying then, once you finish studying, you realise, you're trapped again, blurred with emotions, feeling helpless..I don't know how to help you, but I can give you lotsa love..*draws many heartshapes* then, you won't be sad anymore, right? *huggs*
People always say that either one choose friend or he/she choose their lover, to me, it must come together, just like treacle pudding, you can't have a treacle pudding without a hot, sticky treacle sauce with the pudding!! XDD..guess I'm too hungryy..I'm alone at home with my sis, and she made me cook 3 cups full of rice and make a big fried rice for her to bring to her friend's house..and I have to starve and eat nothing..grrr.. k la k la..talk too much ady..getting hungrier..
SAM!!! I WILL COME AFTER YOU!
PS: Another day to go before I have to decide what's best for those who I love..
-standingbyyou-
Posted by dark-wings at 9/13/2008 02:25:00 PM
Friday, September 12, 2008
Don't cry, my dear..I'm sticking beside you and always ready to give you Sam's trademark hug..
I will sing all the colours of life with you, sam will be our background dancer..we believe in one another, we be each other's guardian angel..I don't want this to end, till we grow old together, we will be the 100 year old buddies, all the toothless grandmother together..Do I call that a promise? XD
Posted by dark-wings at 9/12/2008 09:06:00 PM
1 month and 10 days of truthful memories...
(cough cough cough) annoying cough... suffering from it every single day.. but i would still like to take this opportunity to tell you how i have always felt..i could not believe the cute and sweet feeling in me to you would grow with the presence of trees, bugs, muds, leeches and many more little creatures.. ( the day that a whole community were having their best time in their life )
2nd of August, the day that we make our promise - our very first day.. from that day onwards the way we look at each other was already in another specific way.. i always wanted to hide my flaws from you and gain your compliments... but never once you compliment me.. not even a single word that would bring me to joy.. instead you always tease me and laugh or take whatever serious matter that i tell you, humorously...
after more than a week.. i know you way better than last time.. i know you do not like to be serious in almost all the things.. you want to take things lightheartedly... you always wanted happiness to be in your routine...but you never even thought of responsibilities that you have to carry or even about me..
after thinking for a few nights, i have to make the decision that i never thought i will make.. is to let you go (that was what you wanted at the beginning of the day) i am sorry that i have wasted so much of your time.. when the decision was made, the feelings begin to fade..till no more..
as your important exams are coming, i was worried about you.. thinking how playful you are... would you be able to cope up? i came up with something that i thought it will be easier for you to go on with your tasks... as i was preparing for the surprise.. the long lost feeling had returned.. was it worthy to prepare so much for you as i have a lot of crisis that i have to come to a solution?
8th of September.. the day that i can't explain with words.. it was supposed to be a memorable day... but it wasn't after all... disappointment is the only word that is appropriate to describe the feeling in me.. you told me the secret that you have been hiding from day one... how could you be so cruel? so mean? i always thought my smile and my presence mean a lot to you (as that was what you said) but actually you just needed me to be there (beside you) to replace someone that you have longing for .. not even realizing you had hurt me, you expected me to accept it.. and be happy for you being very honest..
Today, 12th of September 2008... the day that i would really want things to come to an end.. my close friend, she is hurt.. badly hurt.. emotionally..as i know what was the reason causes her pain, tears were already accumulating at my eyes as they were waiting for me to give a signal that would allow them to flow.. as i know what is the meaning of letting go.. and giving up.. *****, i am giving up.. i do not want anything anymore.. stay away.. let me go.. let today be a very important day to me.. as i would like to declare that me and you has come to an end..
-ykjy-
p.s. knowing you secretly looking at me... really causes me to throw a thousands words at you that wanted you to know... i really don't hate you.. go for her as there are uncountable reasons that she is better than me...
Posted by dark-wings at 9/12/2008 05:20:00 PM
If that's what people do,I will never do,
I want to sink into the first blooming flowers of spring,
and not the last to shiver in the cold winter alone,
I will come for you,
If you're lost alone,
in the dark night of the cold winter,
I will come for you,
If you're trapped,
in the deepest dungeons,
I will show you the world beyond what you can see,
where miracles and hopes are no longer what they seemed,
and that's when, Love comes and bring them back,
telling the whole world that tomorrow,
there will be all of us,
hand in hand..
I swear I will never leave anyone,
back there,
alone in the merciless darkness,
With Love, I will bring you to where all rainbows glitters,
Keep faith that,
we will all feel the first touch of sakura this spring..
-standingbyyou-
Posted by dark-wings at 9/12/2008 02:37:00 PM
Stuffing all those food into my mouth, I feel like puking at my brother's face. CALL HIMSELF A BROTHER!!!!! I saw some stupid pictures on my screen and it was fking annoying..while eating, I was totally depressed, dad thought I was sad over the prefect stuff and spoke lotsa stuff, my whole family nagged at me, and when my brother spoke, I simply told him to shut up..my sis yelled over the table, I wanna throw my plate at her face. I didn't even speak a word, stuffing all the food like a hungry wolf and stormed off. It was my first lunch with dad at home since he came back.
In school, I did my best to control my emotions. I really did. When I see him, I just feel so bad..so so bad. I couldn't do anything for him anymore..I know how much he wanted to be at the top..I gave up first, being selfish, deep inside me, screaming for a solution. I know he can do it, I will always pray for him....I always ask myself, why him? It's all because that he's like JungYunHo?? Why am I so concern of whatever he does? I couldn't even be myself when he was around, cause I know, I would frightened him away.. BUT, I ALWAYS FAILED TO DO SO. My donuts are so much smarter compared to me, they're so capable, they will help him. I'm sure of that.. Since today is the last day, I do not have any regrets, I have no reason that I shouldn't let go of it, especially when my friends seemed so happy now..when I hear someone saying teamwork, I wanna throw my chair at her face.. She simply DOES NOT UNDERSTAND the JUNIOR's feelings, and it will give her a nice lesson if this continues. I feel so much lighter and comfortable when I'm hugging my pillow and recalling all my sweet memories of being a prefect than being one NOW.
On Monday, My NEW DAY. I shall go see him no more. I will never even peek already. I will just wear my WHITE UNIFORM and walk into the school, calling myself, ChinZheShuen, whom I never knew..
-standingbyyou-
Posted by dark-wings at 9/12/2008 02:08:00 PM
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
you are just like them...
once you said that you do not want to be like them.. but you are just like them... don't put the blame on others or being a BOY thingy...it is your problem.. i am too naive (like what my brother say.. why is he always right all the time) and probably stupid to think you would be the one to brighten my day.. until right now you still do not know who i am.. who am i? just an ordinary girl? Do you know to ignore the message you sent is harder than anything else.. what about stop thinking of you? I hope you will get to see this note and understand what am i feeling inside.. you are not that important anymore.. no longer special anymore... you said you want to take sam's place in my heart... sorry, her position in my heart can't be replaced by you or even anyone... go for her who you are not able to forget..-yvonne-