Stuffing all those food into my mouth, I feel like puking at my brother's face. CALL HIMSELF A BROTHER!!!!! I saw some stupid pictures on my screen and it was fking annoying..while eating, I was totally depressed, dad thought I was sad over the prefect stuff and spoke lotsa stuff, my whole family nagged at me, and when my brother spoke, I simply told him to shut up..my sis yelled over the table, I wanna throw my plate at her face. I didn't even speak a word, stuffing all the food like a hungry wolf and stormed off. It was my first lunch with dad at home since he came back.
In school, I did my best to control my emotions. I really did. When I see him, I just feel so bad..so so bad. I couldn't do anything for him anymore..I know how much he wanted to be at the top..I gave up first, being selfish, deep inside me, screaming for a solution. I know he can do it, I will always pray for him....I always ask myself, why him? It's all because that he's like JungYunHo?? Why am I so concern of whatever he does? I couldn't even be myself when he was around, cause I know, I would frightened him away.. BUT, I ALWAYS FAILED TO DO SO. My donuts are so much smarter compared to me, they're so capable, they will help him. I'm sure of that.. Since today is the last day, I do not have any regrets, I have no reason that I shouldn't let go of it, especially when my friends seemed so happy now..when I hear someone saying teamwork, I wanna throw my chair at her face.. She simply DOES NOT UNDERSTAND the JUNIOR's feelings, and it will give her a nice lesson if this continues. I feel so much lighter and comfortable when I'm hugging my pillow and recalling all my sweet memories of being a prefect than being one NOW.
On Monday, My NEW DAY. I shall go see him no more. I will never even peek already. I will just wear my WHITE UNIFORM and walk into the school, calling myself, ChinZheShuen, whom I never knew..
-standingbyyou-